Monday, January 12, 2009


Can you guess, out of my entire collection of DVDs, which one costs the most, in terms of dollars?

I'll give you a minute...

If you guess Pineapple Express, give you yourself a pat on the back.  Can you guess how much it costs?

I'll give you another minute...

That's right, 500 dollars.  If you were right, punch the guy who hit my SO's car in the f*****g parking lot!!!

Take a look at the DVD...

Nothing special edition about it, no hair samples of Seth Rogen that I can use to clone myself an army of Seth Rogens (you know it would be freakin' awesome, don't lie to yourself).  But yes, that simple little single-disc unrated version of Pineapple Express is going to cost me and my SO 500 dollars out of our own pocket.  "Here's how to order..."

It began like a normal January morning in Indiana: freezing rain.  We needed to hit the grocery stores because we had to make meatloaf to get our Betta fish, Sheldon, back from SO's co-worker's spouse (we won't go into details on that, but Sheldon is safe, and yes, he's so aptly named because of Big Bang Theory).  We first hit up the local pet store to get hay for Kyle, our spoiled Orange Netherland Dwarf rabbit (his picture can be seen on one of my other blogs, Tenacious Spoo...).  We then went to a "local" bakery so I could buy the SO some really good apple bread.

You can see where this is going.  I sweetened the pot so the SO wouldn't come down on me hard for being so close to Best Buy so I could go buy Pineapple Express.  I know, it's brilliant.  Give the girl some bread, and she won't hate you... as much.  Luckily there's a Barnes & Noble next door, so I didn't have to see her face when I bought it.  After we bought a knitting mag for her, we headed over to a local grocer because everything is fresh there.  The meat is freshly cut, the cheese is smoked, the fresh veggies are always excellent in the winter.

Well, when we first pulled in, I could tell the parking was a little slick.  How do I know?  Because as I'm turning into the lot, the car starts to slide a little, so I ease up as I turn.  Little did I know it was really slick as the car slowly fades toward an SUV at the end of the lot (who parks at the end of a lot when it's slick out?  Probably someone who wants a new vehicle).  As my lifeless body went numb, the car edged ever so slowly until it just stopped inches from the SUV.  The SO and I looked at each other, wondering what to do next.  She said try going forward, but as I did I could tell we'd still go towards the car as I let off the brake.  Instead, I reversed it, and we avoided all possible monetary issues with the owner of that SUV.  So to avoid anything like that, we parked in the middle of the lot, close to vehicles, but with no one right next to us.  And that's when Final Destination took over...

So we went into the grocer, bought some freshly smoked salmon (yeah!), some freshly smoked cheese (Yeah!) and some freshly cut bacon (YEAH!).  We also got some veggies (eh) and went to the check-out.  The girl (who's always friendly) said that it was definitely slick out there, someone had hit a telephone pole next to the plaza that morning, so we weren't the only ones who slid there.  We left with our groceries in our canvas (yes...canvas) bags to see this:


Oh, I swore, and I hope the little f****r can still hear me.  We just had ourselves a little Final Destination action because obviously we were meant to have the SO's car get hit today.  Not only that, it was a hit-and-run.

That's right, a F*****G HIT-AND-RUN!

I won't even go there...Breathe...Breathe...and we're back...

Luckily, the officer who was there for the telephone pole was still there, and we ran over to him (yes, when you're mad, even ice knows when to get out of the way) so he could help us out.  He took down the information and could visibly see the other car's tracks as it smashed into our car and then as it took off.  We stayed there for 30 minutes as he filled out paperwork (Mr. Officer H, thank you so much for everything, in all true sincerity).

After all of this, we still had to go to SuperTarget (ST) to get some other groceries.  I felt so violated, like someone had violated my body, then left me there to rot.  As we were in ST, I couldn't look at anyone, like they were mocking me or that they were the ones who did this.  As we drove home, I could feel like people were staring at us, as if we were the ones at fault for all of this.

I never thought I'd say this, but if this person who hit us is from Indiana, then I'm ashamed to be called a Hoosier in the same breath as him/her.  If that's what we truly are, then we need to make each and every one of us accountable for our actions, and it starts with each of us learning to take responsibility.  If I had hit that SUV, I would have gone to each of those stores in the plaza to find the person and let them know, even if there had been no visible damage.  It's just disrespectful and I hope my faith in humanity comes back someday, because it's hard to trust another person now to do the right thing.

Sorry for the downer, but we can be thankful that neither of us were in that vehicle, we're both safe, and it could have been a lot worse.  Now if anyone has a spare 500 dollars to give us, that would be nice.  Or I could sell you a brand-spanking-new copy of Pineapple Express...


  1. Guess what, you aren't getting anymore DVD's for a while. But on the upshot, it'll give you time to review the hundreds of other DVD's that you currently have invading our living room.

    Yeah, that movie better be worth it! ;)

  2. I guess it would be worth $500 if it actually had been MADE of Pineapple Express... but other than that, I highly doubt it...

  3. That sucks... but at least the car still moves right? See! A bright side!! ^_^