Wednesday, June 17, 2009

"Ah dear, the young. Why do they never listen? When will they ever learn?"

That statement is so true for this movie review, or should I say, miss-view. I can, without a doubt, say this will be the hardest movie to review as I literally saw the first twenty minutes and the last twenty minutes. How, you're saying, is that possible? I'd say it the combination of sleep deprivation, apartment cleaning, and a film that can somehow bore me to death. Yep, you guessed it, Clash of the Titans.

I'm guessing that it really isn't that boring, it just seems like the dialogue and action are really slow. I don't even mind the old special effects. I actually appreciate that fact of the movie, but I cannot get into this movie. One of the SO's faves, maybe that's why I have a tough time with it. Whatever movie she likes, I on average do not. But for most, I can at least stand it because the plot is half-way interesting.

So let's start there. We first see Perseus, son of Zeus, as an infant with his mother trapped in a coffin sent out to sea, as he is prophecied to lead to the destruction of his grandfather, King Acrisius of Argos. Zeus safely transports Perseus and his mom to Seriphos, while at the same time destroying Argos with the Kraken.

Move forward a couple decades, and we find Calibos, son of Thetis, engaged to be married to Andromeda, the heir to the city of Joppa. Calibos pisses off Zeus for killing all of his horses (minus Pegasus) and turns him into a goat-like creature, leading Thetis to proclaim that no man could marry Andromeda if her son Calibos could not. Of course, Perseus falls for Andromeda as he is transported from Seriphos to Joppa (thanks to Thetis). With the help of the gods, Perseus receives a sword, shield, and helmet to help him solve the riddle which will allow him to marry Andromeda.

Of course, Calibos prays to Thetis to take care of Perseus, but instead she threatens to destroy Joppa is the city does not sacrifice Andromeda to the Kraken. With the help of Bubo the mechanical owl, Perseus seeks out Medusa, to use her "stoning" abilities to defeat the Kraken. Perseus kills Medusa and takes her head, saving Andromeda from the Kraken. They live happily ever after, yada yada yada, they become constellations. The end.

The plot when read in mythology, is quite interesting. The way it's done in the movie, can't keep my attention going. I'm thinking I need to see it again after reading the plot on Wikipedia. Because reading it made it seem a whole lot cooler than watching it. Even with great actors, you can't make a great movie. Just look at Ocean's Twelve (and Thirteen). The great Laurence Olivier and Maggie Smith, the seductress Ursula Andress, and the handsome Harry Hamlin weren't enough to keep me awake. I remember Perseus being saved as an infant and then nothing, then getting the weapons and armor, then nothing, then getting Medusa's head until the end of the movie. That's it.

What probably kills the most is that it's a 2-hour movie that feels like 2 days. Maybe I need to get in the right mood, knock back a few appletinis, and then that movie might be the best thing since sliced bread.

All kidding aside, I'm going to need to view this movie again to get an accurate representation for my review. Rather than continue to hack away at this movie, I'm going to give it a second chance. It may not be soon, but soon enough I will sit down and watch it (as the SO's smile widens to the size of New Jersey, just on the thought of watching it again soon). Later!

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